The Multi-Tool of Marriage
Written by Will Witherington
“I have the privilege of serving on the Board of Advisors for the Faithful Platform company. Yesterday, the leadership team gave each board member this “hammer” tool pictured above. The purpose of this tool was to remind us to pray for the marriages of people all over the world! I also thought this multi-purpose tool could be a good illustration of some of the key components to having a healthy and happy marriage!
First the hammer itself…
The most iconic tool for “building” is the hammer. You and your spouse are “building” a life, a family, a legacy, a business, a person, a home, etc….together. This is exciting that together you are “building” something that will give life to each other and so many more.
Second, the nutcracker…
Sometimes you will feel like your spouse is a “tough nut to crack”… remember, that inside the hard outer shell of a pecan, or pistachio or peanut is a gloriously wonderful and healthy treat! So it is with your spouse… take the time to gently, carefully, patiently open each other's outer shell, to uncover the glorious beauty of who you each are.
Third, three cutting tools…
Each of these unique tools serves the purpose of cutting something off or out or removing something like the lid of a can…In all of our marriages there are things that must be removed in order to build oneness and healthiness in our marriages…
Some of those things just flat out need to be cut off… as with the serrated blade… no debating or contemplating, just straight cutting off… these could be dangerous habits, hobbies, relationships, attitudes, etc…Don’t be afraid to cut thing off and out that are harming your marriage!
Some of those things need to be more “surgically” removed with the finer blade… these items are harming and hurting the marriage, but require a much more delicate and careful approach…You and your spouse must use this sharper blade carefully and often times with the help of trusted counselors and friends to help remove those deeper and more pervasive “cancers” in your marriage
Some of the things in our marriage just need to have the “lid taken off” as with the can opener! Sometimes you might not know what to do, what to get rid of, what you are feeling, etc.. So in those cases just “take the lid off” and start an honest and open conversation about whatever it is you sense is creating tension and friction in your marriage.
The final tools on our multi-purpose tool are the screwdrivers (flat & Phillips head)…
The purpose of tightening “screws” is to give a chair or table or something greater stability… tightening a screw can also help prevent a leak of air or water. The “screws” in our marriages need to be tightened so that we have greater strength and wholeness. Screws get tightened through struggle and trials. Screws get tightened through honest assessment. Screws get tightened in the context of healthy marital friendships.
One common element in every component of this tool is that of “pressure”…. The hammer is applied with pressure, the nutcracker takes grip pressure, the cutting blades require pressure, the screw drivers work optimally when pressure is applied to loose screws. This is such a universal principle in life that can help us in our marriage so much. There is life giving purpose in pressure if you will let it shape and form your marriage.
This tool was given to me by a jewelry company that specializes in making engagement rings for young couples getting married. Think about how Gold and Diamonds are formed…. PRESSURE!!!
Gold is refined and purified when the heat and pressure of the fire is turned up!! The pressure serves to reveal the impurities that are then scraped off so that the gold is pure and beautiful.
Diamonds are made deep in the earth where time, pressure and heat shape and form coal into these beautiful jewels that we wear on our fingers!
As I hold this tool in my hand, I am reminded continually to pray for my marriage and your marriage that the pressures of Building a marriage, raising kids, relating in a family, engaging at work, and enjoying life will serve to make our marriage refined gold and dazzling diamonds!”
