The Ultimate List of Questions to Ask Prior to Marriage

Getting married is one of the most meaningful and life-altering commitments you’ll ever make. Beyond the excitement of planning a wedding and starting a new chapter, marriage is a lifelong partnership that requires mutual understanding, shared values, and deep emotional connection. That’s why asking the right questions before marriage is one of the best investments you can make in your future together.

These conversations aren’t just about preventing conflict, they’re about building a marriage that thrives through every season of life. Whether you're newly engaged or considering taking that step soon, this comprehensive guide offers essential questions every couple should ask before saying “I do.”

Communication and Conflict Resolution

Communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about being heard, understood, and supported. How you resolve disagreements is often more important than how often they happen. Conflict is natural, but it’s how you navigate it that makes or breaks a relationship.

Ask each other:

• How do we handle disagreements when emotions are high?

• What are our expectations for communication during stressful times?

• Do we feel comfortable expressing vulnerability and needs?

• What does a “healthy argument” look like to each of us?

For example, one partner may prefer to get some space and think the conflict through before talking, while the other needs to address the issue immediately. Understanding these differences early helps avoid unnecessary frustration and fosters respect for each other’s needs. Practice using “I” statements, like “I feel unheard when...” instead of “You never listen...” to keep communication constructive.

Finances and Future Planning

Money is one of the top reasons couples argue, yet many couples skip this conversation entirely before marriage. It’s vital to understand each other’s financial history, values, and expectations to build a future with financial stability and shared goals.

Ask each other:

• How do we approach saving, spending, and budgeting?

• What are our views on debt and credit?

• Will we have joint or separate accounts—or both?

• What are our financial goals over the next 5, 10, and 20 years?

Talk about spending habits and money mindset. Does one of you prefer frugal living while the other enjoys splurging occasionally? Are you aligned on big-picture goals like buying a house, starting a business, or retiring early? Transparency here can save you from hidden stress down the road.

Also consider practical logistics: who will pay which bills? Will you set spending limits for discretionary purchases? Creating a shared budget or financial plan together can help unify your efforts.

Family and Lifestyle Expectations

Your vision of family life plays a big role in how you’ll build your shared future. Differences in parenting philosophy, time spent with in-laws, and lifestyle preferences can become major stressors if not discussed beforehand.

Ask each other:

• Do we want children? If so, how many and when?

• What household roles will we each take on?

• What parenting style do we envision?

• How do we plan to spend time with extended family?

• What are our expectations for work/life balance?

Maybe one of you comes from a big, close-knit family that gathers often, while the other values privacy and independence. Maybe one of you wants to travel the world, while the other prefers putting down roots early. These conversations help avoid future misalignment and support better planning from the start.

Also talk through expectations around household roles. Will chores be divided equally? Does one parent want to leave their job to stay home with the kids? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but having clarity helps prevent resentment later on.

Values and Long-Term Commitment

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not just to another person, but to shared growth, evolving goals, and aligned values. Having different values doesn’t mean you can’t be compatible, but avoiding these conversations can lead to major breakdowns in connection.

Ask each other:

• What does commitment mean to us individually?

• How do we support each other’s dreams and goals?

• How important is religion, spirituality, or faith in our lives?

• What values do we want our children to also hold?

It’s essential to understand and align on each other’s core values, especially when it comes to faith, spirituality, and life priorities. If one partner is deeply religious and the other is more secular, it’s important to discuss how those beliefs will shape your daily routines, traditions, and how you might raise children.

Beyond faith, consider what each of you prioritizes in life, whether it’s service, family, career, or personal development. Differences in these areas aren’t deal-breakers, but they do require thoughtful conversation. Are you both willing to support and make space for each other’s goals, even when they don’t fully align with your own? A lasting relationship celebrates both unity and individuality, and thrives when both partners feel supported in their growth spiritually, emotionally, and professionally.

Intimacy and Affection

Intimacy includes much more than physical connection. It’s about emotional closeness, expressions of love, and feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. Over time, intimacy may change due to stress, aging, children, or other life events, so it’s essential to keep this part of your relationship a priority.

Ask each other:

• What role does intimacy play in our relationship?

• How do we express love—physically, emotionally, and verbally?

• What are our love languages?

• How do we handle seasons where intimacy changes?

• Are we comfortable discussing our physical needs and desires?

Some people value quality time, while others feel loved through acts of service or physical touch. Knowing each other’s “love language” helps ensure you’re meeting each other’s emotional needs regularly, not just assuming that love is understood.

Make space for open conversations about sex, affection, and connection. These don’t need to be uncomfortable, they’re essential to sustaining a healthy, thriving relationship.

Preparing for Marriage

A strong marriage isn’t built overnight. It’s built brick by brick through honesty, patience, shared vision, and love. These questions aren’t meant to be overwhelming, they’re meant to give the gift of clarity. They open the door to deeper intimacy and prepare you for the real-life challenges you’ll face as a team. So take your time. Talk openly. Listen with your heart.

Marriage is more than just a ceremony. It’s the promise to build a life that reflects your shared hopes, your united values, and your unwavering commitment to grow together, no matter what life brings. At the FP Foundation, we’re here to walk alongside you as you prepare for that journey, offering tools, resources, and guidance to help couples build a marriage rooted in purpose, faith, and connection. One of the ways we do this is by offering a free Prepare & Enrich, an evidence-based tool designed to spark meaningful conversations around key topics like communication, finances, conflict resolution, and more. We would be happy to help you take your next step toward a stronger future together.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Why is it important to ask questions before marriage?
These conversations create clarity, trust, and a foundation for healthy conflict resolution. They uncover potential deal-breakers and give couples tools to grow stronger together.

2. What are the most important topics couples should discuss before getting married?
Communication, finances, family plans, intimacy, values, and conflict resolution. If you can talk about the hard stuff now, you’ll be much more prepared for the realities of life together.

3. How can we have these conversations without causing conflict?
Set aside intentional time in a relaxed, distraction-free setting. Use gentle language, express curiosity, and avoid blame. You’re on the same team.

4. What financial discussions should we have before marriage?
Cover debt, credit scores, savings goals, budget preferences, income expectations, and retirement planning. Talk about how you’ll manage shared expenses and what financial transparency looks like for both of you.

5. How do we align our values and long-term goals as a couple?
Share your dreams. Then find the areas where they overlap—and where you may need to compromise. Aligning your direction doesn’t mean giving up your identity; it means blending your journeys in a way that works for both of you.

6. What if we have different views on parenting or family roles?
Differences are okay—what matters is how you handle them. Talk openly, seek understanding, and consider pre-marital counseling if necessary. These are important discussions, and it’s healthy to work through them together.

7. How can we ensure open and honest communication in our relationship?
Make check-ins a habit. Ask, “How are we doing?” Create a judgment-free space where both partners can speak up. Practice listening just as much as sharing.

8. What should we do if we disagree on major life decisions before marriage?
Treat it as an opportunity to practice problem-solving. Listen, reflect, and explore compromise. If you’re stuck, consider talking with a mentor or therapist. Disagreement isn’t the enemy, avoidance is.