How to Fix a Struggling Marriage (5 Practical Steps That Can Help)
There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. Even the happiest and most committed of couples will have their ups and downs, and those downs sometimes last a little longer than expected.
Fortunately, there are always steps you can take to turn things around. And, in our mission to help build marriages that last a lifetime, the Faithful Platform Foundation team shares practical steps to help you rebuild trust, restore communication, and move forward together with renewed purpose.
Key Takeaways
Struggling in marriage is normal (and not a sign of failure), but addressing issues early is key to preventing deeper disconnection.
Lasting improvement often comes from small, consistent changes like better communication, personal reflection, and daily positive interactions.
With shared commitment, intentional effort, and the right support, many marriages can be restored and grow even stronger over time.
When a Marriage Begins to Struggle
From excess stress to miscommunications, unmet expectations, and unresolved conflict, numerous factors can combine to slowly but surely drive a wedge between spouses.
This isn’t rare, nor is it a sign that a once-healthy marriage is doomed to fail.
In fact, it’s perfectly normal. Research suggests that approximately 20% of married couples experience marital distress at any given time, highlighting how common seasons of struggle can be in marriage.
The bigger issue comes when these difficult times last too long. Or when it feels like you’re stuck in a vicious cycle, getting frustrated, disappointed, and disconnected again and again.
But here’s the good news: things can get better. With love, faith, and shared commitment to finding out what’s wrong and fixing it, you and your spouse can and will restore your fractured bonds and rebuild that which might have been broken.
Understanding what causes a marriage to struggle is the first step toward rebuilding it.
Why Marriages Struggle in the First Place
Some of the most common marriage problems that can damage a healthy relationship include:
Negative communication patterns that lead to arguments, not resolutions
One or both spouses feeling either misunderstood or misheard
Assumptions/judgments from one spouse about the other’s mindset or intentions
Emotional distance gradually forming over time
Excessive focus on problems and negative experiences over positive interactions
A struggling or “broken” marriage doesn’t occur overnight. It’s often worn down gradually, with the couple’s emotional connection eroded by repeated unhealthy patterns and bad habits.
But these negative patterns can be broken, and it doesn’t necessarily require huge, wholesale changes. Fixing a struggling marriage often begins with small but meaningful changes.
5 Practical Steps That Can Help Fix a Struggling Marriage
If your marriage is going through a difficult season, there are practical, intentional steps you can take to begin turning things around. These aren’t complicated or unrealistic changes, but rather simple shifts in your mindset and behavior that can make a meaningful difference over time.
Here are five core steps to help a marriage work and get struggling spouses back on track:
Start with personal reflection
Focus on listening and understanding
Change the negative communication pattern
Rebuild positive interactions
Seek healthy support when needed
1. Start with Personal Reflection
Here’s why so many couples have recurring marital problems: they play the blame game.
They don’t look inward, thinking about what they’ve done wrong or what they can fix or adjust. They look outward, seeking someone else to blame, someone else to take responsibility, and that “someone” usually ends up being their spouse.
If that sounds familiar to you, the key is simple. You just have to break the pattern. Stop looking at your partner or other external sources to carry the burden of your problems, and look inward instead.
That doesn’t mean you have to take all the blame for everything wrong with your marriage. It just means you have to become more self-aware, more responsible, more able to see your role in the bigger picture, so you can make the positive changes needed to improve it.
2. Focus on Listening and Understanding
Here’s another common cause of recurring marital issues, especially arguments: one or both spouses are more focused on “winning” a dispute than resolving it. They’re more eager to prove they’re right and take the moral high ground than to communicate constructively with their partner.
In a way, this is human nature. It hurts to be blamed for things or to admit we did or said something wrong. It’s easier to divert or shift responsibility away. The problem is that the more you do that, the more likely you’ll be to keep facing the same problems.
Again, the solution is about breaking this cycle. Stop caring about “winning” arguments and focus instead on turning them into useful discussions, so that at least something good can come of them. Hear what your spouse is saying, put yourself in their shoes, and work together toward something better.
3. Change the Negative Communication Pattern
Many struggling marriages suffer from recurring and predictable cycles.
These cycles often revolve around negative behaviors, like criticizing one another, being overly defensive, or bringing up past mistakes during new conflicts, even if they have little relevance to the present situation.
To establish healthier communications, you have to not only break those patterns but also replace them with healthier alternatives. Instead of escalating, focus on calming. Instead of being argumentative or defensive, seek to demonstrate respect and understanding.
4. Rebuild Positive Interactions
Research shows that healthy marriages are built on positive interactions.
These don’t have to be grand gestures or commitments. Sometimes, it’s the smallest actions (or interactions) that mean the most. Expressing your appreciation for your partner, spending intentional time together, helping out with little tasks, and so on, all help to make them feel loved and valued.
Some concrete ideas you can try this week include:
Saying “thank you” for something specific they did that day (not just a general thank you)
Giving a genuine compliment about their effort, character, or appearance
Sending a quick “thinking of you” or encouraging text during the day
Greeting them warmly when they walk in the door instead of staying distracted
Giving a hug that lasts a few extra seconds instead of a quick, routine one
Sitting together for 10 or 15 minutes without screens to simply talk or unwind
Making or bringing them coffee, a snack, or their favorite drink without being asked
Doing a small chore they normally handle to lighten their load
Never forget, God calls us to love others with patience, kindness, and humility—just as He first loved us. So, make it your mission to express your love and appreciation whenever an opportunity arises. Be encouraging, respectful, and appreciative of your spouse, as opposed to criticizing or bringing them down, to rebuild your bond.
5. Seek Healthy Support When Needed
While it’s perfectly possible for couples to fix problems themselves, they sometimes need a helping hand.
There’s no harm or shame at all in seeking professional help, as and when you feel the need. Your options include marriage counseling, trusted mentors, community faith leaders, or even couples with healthy and happy relationships in your friend or family circle.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes, an additional perspective is just what you need to help you and your partner get back on the same page and break those unhealthy cycles that have troubled you for so long.
What Fixing a Marriage Usually Requires
Just as marriages don’t fail overnight, they’re also not fixed overnight.
Fixing a struggling marriage takes time. It demands patience and consistent, committed investment. Both spouses have to make an equal effort to one another, and both should have a shared willingness to grow, rebuild broken bonds, and move towards healthier, happier, and more honest interactions.
Progress may happen slowly, but steady change can strengthen the relationship over time.
Final Thoughts: Struggling Doesn’t Mean Hopeless
It can be incredibly difficult to feel that your once-happy marriage has lost some of its joy, or that the emotional connection between you and your spouse isn’t quite as strong and secure as it once was.
But remember: you’re not alone. Many marriages go through difficult spells, and just because a marriage is struggling, that does not mean that it’s failing. With intentional effort, stronger communication, and shared commitment to solve problems together, many couples are able to rebuild their connections and move forward together.
You can do the same. Follow the steps above, and remember to seek additional support, if needed, to move towards a happier, healthier partnership with your spouse.
Ready to Turn a Season of Struggle into a Story of Growth?
At the FP Foundation, we believe that no marriage is beyond repair when two people are willing to pick up the right tools.
If you’ve realized that your own efforts to break negative cycles aren’t enough, you don’t have to navigate the path to healing by yourself. From professional marital counseling and restorative retreats to our expert-led resources, we are here to provide the guidance and support you need to rebuild your connection and restore your lifelong covenant.
Contact the FP Foundation today to learn how our comprehensive toolkit can help you and your spouse move forward with renewed purpose.
About the Faithful Platform Foundation
Based in Lexington, Kentucky, the Faithful Platform Foundation is a nonprofit organization dedicated to strengthening marriages across the country through proactive education and support. The Foundation combats the modern marriage crisis by providing couples with a comprehensive "toolkit" for success, featuring national retreats, professional counseling, and expert-led books and media. Our mission is to help couples build resilient, lifelong covenants, ensuring that marriages flourish and communities thrive for generations to come.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you fix a struggling marriage?
Fixing a struggling marriage often begins with small, intentional changes like improving communication, reflecting on your own actions, and breaking negative patterns. As both spouses commit to growth, consistency, and understanding, it becomes possible to rebuild trust and restore connection over time.
What are the first signs a marriage is in trouble?
Some of the first signs a marriage is in trouble include recurring arguments, poor communication, emotional distance, and feeling misunderstood or unappreciated. These issues often develop gradually, making it important to recognize and address them early before they become deeply ingrained patterns.
How can communication improve a struggling marriage?
Communication can improve a struggling marriage by helping both spouses feel heard, understood, and respected. When couples shift their focus from “winning” arguments to listening and working through issues together, it creates space for healthier conversations and a stronger connection.
What are simple ways to improve your marriage daily?
Simple ways to improve your marriage daily include expressing appreciation, spending intentional time together, and offering small acts of kindness or support. These consistent, positive interactions help strengthen your bond and make your spouse feel valued over time.
Can a struggling marriage be saved?
Yes, a struggling marriage can often be saved when both spouses are willing to put in the effort to grow, communicate better, and work through challenges together. While progress may take time, many couples are able to rebuild stronger, more connected relationships with intentional effort and support.
